What Is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse is any behaviour used by a partner, ex-partner, or family member to gain power and control over you. It can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, background, or relationship status. Abuse is never your fault. You deserve safety, respect, and support.

Two models to better understand domestic abuse

The cycle of violence

Domestic abuse often follows a repeated pattern known as the cycle of violence, which typically involves several phases:

Tension Building

Tension gradually begins to build in the relationship.Arguments become more frequent and may be accompanied by criticism, jealousy, or hurtful remarks. The victim may feel as though she has to constantly watch what she says and does, as if she were “walking on eggshells” to avoid conflict or an aggressive reaction.

Incident

This is the phase when the abuse fully erupts. It may be physical, psychological, verbal, or sexual. The abuser may shout, threaten, or exert a high level of control over the victim. This episode is often very intense and can leave the victim feeling frightened, shocked, or confused.

Reconciliation / Making Up

After the incident, the abuser may try to repair the relationship. He may apologise, promise that it will not happen again, or minimise what happened. Sometimes, he may become especially caring, offer gifts, or show affection in order to regain the victim’s trust.

Honeymoon Phase

During this period, the relationship may seem stable and peaceful again. The abuser may appear kind and affectionate, which can create the impression that things have improved. However, over time, these calm periods often become shorter, while episodes of abuse become more frequent or more severe.

The power and controle wheel

The Power and Control Wheel illustrates how abusers maintain their hold over someone in a relationship. At the centre are power and control, surrounded by behaviours such as:

  • Intimidation – threatening looks, aggressive gestures, or the destruction of objects or property.

  • Emotional abuse – belittling, humiliation, and psychological manipulation.

  • Isolation – controlling where you go, who you see, and what you do.

  • Minimising, denying, and blaming – downplaying the abuse, denying what happened, and shifting the blame onto the other person.

  • Using children – threatening to take the children away or using them to make the other person feel guilty.

  • Economic abuse – limiting access to money or other resources.

  • Coercion and threats – threatening to harm you, harm themselves, or take legal action.

  • Male privilege / sense of entitlement – treating the other person as inferior and making all the decisions.

This tool helps show that abuse is not just a series of isolated incidents. It forms part of a broader pattern aimed at maintaining power, control, and dependency.

Domestic Abuse Takes Many Forms: Understanding the Different Types of Abuse

Domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence. It can take many forms, some of them less visible.
There are six main types:

  • Physical abuse: hitting, pushing, strangling, blocking someone’s movements, or using objects or weapons to cause harm.

  • Psychological or emotional abuse: manipulating, belittling, threatening, humiliating, or isolating someone.

  • Coercive control: monitoring you, making decisions for you, restricting your contacts, or limiting your freedom.

  • Economic abuse: controlling your money, preventing you from working, or creating debt in your name.

  • Sexual abuse: any sexual activity without consent, including pressure, coercion, unwanted touching, or rape.

  • Digital abuse: monitoring your phone, demanding passwords, tracking your movements, or harassing you online.

Domestic abuse is not always visible. If someone’s behaviour makes you feel afraid, controlled, isolated, or unsafe, you may be experiencing abuse.

In Case of Immediate Danger

Your safety comes first. If you feel in immediate danger, call 112 without delay. If possible, move to a safe place and take only essential items, but only if this can be done without risk. Do not confront the abuser.

The video alongside also highlights other useful steps you can take in situations of domestic abuse.

You are not alone

If you are not in immediate danger but do not feel safe, you can still reach out to Oasis or other support services for help. We are here to listen, support you, and help you understand your rights and the options available to you.